mike (don_negro) wrote,

eyes on the prize

oh lord.

My goodness, today has been gut wrenching, but then, that's par for the course nowadays, tisn't it.

Going from such a sense of cold horror - thoughts about melissa, who lives in New York. I can't bring myself to ad hominem any man who has something he'll die for, but those crazy sonsofbitches could have missed and killed my baby sister. It could just as easily have been her. I feel for all the people in the opposite of my situation, wishing one of those planes had missed. -- to a sense of connectedness that I haven't had in years, to cold loneliness here at the end of the night. Driving home shivering, my jaw muscles cramping, I loved them both too much to care, and with no focus the shock of loss dulled into the night air. I've become amazed at how I still expect to think as I've always thought. My memories of emotions are so different from the emotions I feel today. It shows both how much I use history to decide how to feel and how much I've changed in the last 22 days.

I miss her. I don't want to be alone. I doubt he did either, but still, there's little solace in perfection.

It's not really worse than normal, I'm just a little bit more ragged, and closer to the bone tonight.

God help us every one.

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